My Apologies...

Today was going to be my last day out on the terraces, but I didn't make it that far. I was just getting ready to walk down the hill, when I realized that the hill was part of the problem. Not that I didn't know that already, but today was as good a day as any to tackle that little issue.

I had sprayed all these weeds yesterday (covered them in prayer), and most of them were pretty easy to pull. I stopped when I reached the boundary between our lot and the neighbor's, so now it looks like this:

(the crack in the sidewalk at the bottom center of the picture is where
our property ends- as far as I can tell)

I came across a new weed as I was pulling.

I called it a "creeping something-or-other" on my first day, and it got a name today. It was really gratifying to pull, and it had taken over all the rocks on the slope, so that no other weeds really had a chance. As I was pulling it and rolling it up in a big ball, it reminded me of forgiveness (Forgiveness isn't the weed, it's the pulling out of the weed).

I have had a handful of relationships in my life that have benefited greatly from my asking forgiveness. One in particular. We had both been nurturing a decade- long fight, licking our own wounds in our own separate corners, when somebody called me on it. I did some deep soul-searching, and wrote a letter to this person, asking for their forgiveness. To be honest, I had mentally blocked out all the bad things I had done to make our relationship get to the point it had, only nursing those things I felt I was a victim of.

Sometimes asking for forgiveness doesn't do much. But in this case, the ground was prepared on the other person's side as well, and I was welcomed back into fellowship with open arms. That relationship will always be somewhat strained, I'm afraid, but a little forgiveness goes a long way.

Kind of like pulling out those vines. It felt so good to forgive! Even though I HATE taking the steps to reconcile (I fear them, for some irrational reason), it is such a RELIEF to be in a healthy relationship or even just to get an old burden off your chest.

Another example- when I moved back to Sioux Falls, after being away for 10 years, I looked forward to occasionally running into old acquaintances from high school & college. One of those old acquaintances was a former college roommate. We didn't exactly get along very well, she thought I was uptight and judgmental, and I thought going out on a date with a different boy every night of the week was pretty loose behavior (I think we were both right).

ANYHOOO... I ran into said former roommate at the grocery store one day, in about the second year we lived here. We exchanged pleasantries, I'm sure she was really impressed with my 2 year-old daughter who had been at the store with me for over an hour and had behavior more suited to a zoo at that particular moment. We even exchanged addresses and email to maybe catch up with each other, or get on each other's Christmas card list or something. Then we parted, and you know how it is in grocery stores- you keep seeing the same people as you go opposite ways down the same aisles... well we apparently both had regrets that we didn't get out on our first meeting, and the second time we met (2 minutes later), she just burst out saying, "I was a really horrible roommate, and I just want to say I'm sorry!" I said, "I was a really horrible roommate too! I apologize!" We hugged and laughed, and have never seen each other again.

But doesn't apologizing feel good?

I found myself thinking about these two relationships as I pulled out the vines of my Judgmental Attitude today.

My Judgmentalness (is that a word?) almost caused one of my ministry areas to choke and die. This bush represents my heart for women in crisis pregnancy situations:
It is a pretty bush, with lavender flowers, and seems very hardy. It had survived numerous South Dakota winters, but also, when I went out to weed on my first day of work, I pulled gobs of Judgment off of it. I pulled more off today, as well as pruning out the dead parts. This bush apparently prunes itself each year, but someone has to come in and pull out the old dead sticks.

My work at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in Marion, was one of the most fulfilling ministries I ever participated in. I volunteered as a peer counselor there for about 3 years before we moved, and I loved it. I made some wonderful friends, and saw some beautiful life transformation take place.

I have not participated in a para-church ministry like that since coming to Sioux Falls, and I know it's been an area of my life that's been lacking. So, I took the plunge a few weeks ago when Sean from The Community Outreach came to our church to plug his ministry. Get this, I will be helping the working poor get their finances in order! Talk about feeling like a task is too big for you! But I know that God has called me to do SOMETHING, and I decided to obey that little nudge when I felt it.

So here's that ministry's plant:
It's a little baby bush next to the big ol' CPC bush. In time, it will grow and thrive like its neighbor, and will produce beautiful flowers too. That is, if I can keep my Judgmental Attitude from choking it.